Author Spotlight:

What is it like to come out as gay after being in a straight marriage with kids? Author Jim Joseph shares this journey in his book Out and About Dad: My Journey as a Father with all its Twists, Turns, and a Few Twirls. I interviewed him on writing his book about the journey he faced. 

Why did you decide to write your book?

To tell you the truth, it was a hard decision to write this book. I agonized over it, even after I finished writing it. The thought of putting my entire unedited story out there for people to consume continues to be frightening. But in the end, I decided that it was time for me to try to help the next generation of gay fathers who might by chance be going through what I went through. As I look back if I had just had one more role model to look to then things would have been so much better. I hope to be just a tiny bit of that kind of role model now. Especially because I made it through it!

Who is the book’s audience?

The funny thing is that I assumed that my audience for this book would be other gay dads and that has certainly been the case. But I’ve been amazed at the range of folks who have read the book and who have gotten something out of it even though they aren’t gay dads. Like young gay men thinking about being a dad or stay-at-home-moms who have faced similar challenges or also, “straight” dads who are trying to be the best they can be, it’s been so enlightening.

What particular issues do divorce gay dads face in coming out?

For me, it was the triple whammy of not only having to admit that you’ve had a failed marriage but also have to admit that you don’t follow societal norms of being straight. Then having to prove that you can be a great dad as a result of all of that. It’s a lot all at once, and people come after you all at once. You have to have a lot of confidence, which isn’t easy when you’re facing all of this.

What issues did you face in splitting family time between you and your ex-wife?

We had a great relationship and I feel very fortunate about that. To be honest, it was a constant juggling act because although we split 50/50 custody, there were always things coming up that would throw off the schedule like kids’ activities, my work, her calendar, so we literally just let it flow week by week and made it work each time. We always “agreed to agree” which made a stressful and busy life just a little bit easier.

What did you look for in a boyfriend when it came to your kids?

Probably the same thing I looked for when it came to me: kind, generous, fun, and a family man. No drama, no agenda, just lots of love.

How did you find a man for a long-term relationship?

I had gone on a couple of dates with a friend of his, and we met in the process. When it didn’t last long with his friend, we kept running into each other and I think we both started thinking about the possibilities. Our first date was at my apartment where I cooked dinner. It ‘s a very funny part of the book, actually, because I don’t cook at all and I was very reserved about introducing the kids to people. You’ll have to give it a read to find out what happened!

What has been a long-term relationship like with kids?

Stable. The kids grew up with a mom and a dad and lucky strike extra adult figure in the family. He was a huge part of their childhood obviously, but more as a confidant and counselor than a parent. They got a lot from him growing up, just like they got a lot from their mom and me. They also got a lot from his family, so they were surrounded by love from all sides.

What do you hope people gain from this book?

A sense that you can have it all – a career and a family. A sense that men can be amazing fathers. Also, a sense that you don’t have to follow a traditional or expected road to be happy and to be honest with yourself.

Anything else you would like to add?

I’d like to encourage people, especially dads, to tell their stories. Share your experiences. Let people into your lives. By telling our stories, we show that many, many sides of parenting and fatherhood ad we help others who may be struggling. Share your story!

Where is the book available?

Amazon is probably the best place to find it.

NEW LGBT FAMILY BOOK CLUB:

I want to feature books for LGBT families at Thatawaydad.com if there is a family-related book that you love please leave comments below so I can reach out to them for an interview.

Coloring Book Celebrates LGBT Families