Aaron Gouveia created the viral tweet supporting his son wearing nail polish. He has just published a new book: Raising Boys to Be Good Men, an essential parenting guide sharing 36 parenting tips for battling gender norms, bringing down “man up” culture, and helping sons realize their potential.
Tell me a little about the viral tweet supporting your son wearing nail polish?
It was insane. I posted the thread late at night, went to bed, and when I woke up I thought my phone was malfunctioning. The non-stop notifications were like a slot machine and ultimately it hit 80,000 likes and was shared tens of thousands of times.
Former Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski sent Sam a personal video. We were on the TODAY Show, GMA, and in People, USA Today, Mashable, and a dozen other outlets.
People began painting their nails in honor of Sam and sending us pictures, which was by far the most wonderful part because that gave Sam the confidence to keep wearing his nail polish to school.
What is your book Raising Boys to Be Good Men: A Parent’s Guide to Bringing up Happy Sons in a World Filled with Toxic Masculinity about?
It is about reframing manhood and masculinity to make sure our boys aren’t put into stereotypical gender boxes that prevent them from utilizing the full spectrum of emotions and feelings.
The book is about recognizing potential pitfalls and realizing our own past mistakes in order to do better for our boys. From the language we use (let’s retire “man up” and “boys will be boys”) to the media we consume (talk to boys early about porn) to how we implement gender roles in our relationships, parents need to set the stage for a generation of boys who aren’t emotionally stunted and angry.
The book has examples of manhood gone awry paired with tips on how to approach things differently.
Explain the concept of raising happy sons in a toxic masculine world?
Imagine raising boys who take comfort in platonic touch instead of saying “no homo” if they sit too close together on the couch.
Who understand expressing emotions and even seeing a counselor is a sign of strength, not weakness. Who aren’t pinned down to traditional gender roles.
Who understand what rape culture is and know how to navigate conversations about consent.
Who feel no shame in painting their fingernails or wearing some eye shadow.
Raising well-adjusted sons in a world filled with toxic masculinity means not being limited by the constraints of traditional manhood and maintaining better mental health.
Why did you decide to write this book?
In October 2018 my then 5-year-old son was bullied in his kindergarten class for wearing nail polish. Kids told him nail polish is for girls, that he should take it off, and that he’s not allowed to wear it.
It devastated him and made him feel shame for the first time about nothing more than the color of his nails. Worst of all, it made him not want to be himself and conform to what other people think a man should be.
I wrote this book to reach parents who are passing on these outdated notions of masculinity so fewer boys would have to feel like my son did.
Who is your audience?
My audience is moms and dads of young kids to teenagers and anyone considering becoming a parent.
What would a gay dad gain from reading this book?
Part of the backlash my son faced with his nails was that it was gay and therefore bad or that his penchant for wearing eye shadow was negative because it made him gay or trans.
I devote large chunks of the book to how harmful homophobia is and I plead with straight parents to consider the message they’re sending when they reject modern manhood out of fear it will make their sons gay. That’s part of the reason the suicide rate is so high among the LGBTQIA community. More enlightened parenting that rejects toxic masculinity can help.
Tell me a little about yourself and your family?
Pretty average, actually. I’m a 40-year-old, white, straight father living the stereotypical suburban dad’s life.
My wife, MJ, and I have three boys (Will, 12, Sam, 6, Tommy, 4), two cats, and a dog living in Franklin, MA.
I’m PR Director for a land conservation and preservation non-profit, MJ is a stay-at-home mom, and we’ve been married for 14 years.
I am a psychotic Boston sports fan and my dad is celebrating his 49th year as a New England Patriots season ticket holder.
Is the book available for pre-order?
Click HERE for the Amazon book link.
When is the book available?
June 16
Where can you obtain the book?
Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and most major bookstores
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