Steve Disselhorst’s book Determined to be Dad: A Journey of Faith, Resilience, and Love includes his journey of self-acceptance and becoming a parent. I interviewed him about his new book available on June 16th.
What is your book Determined To Be a Dad about?
Determined To Be Dad chronicles my trials and tribulations of self-discovery to acceptance to building a new reality and, finally, to the joys of creating my own family through adoption. With this tender and painful story, I offer my journey as a tribute to my desire for familial connection, overcoming self-imposed handicaps, and facing the harsh realities of two men trying to create a family. This is the story of faith, resilience, and the ubiquitous need for love and family.
Why did you decide to write this book?
Over the last three years, I have faced life-changing events that shook me to my core and made me question what I value, what makes me happy, and how I want to live my life.
In September 2017, we finalized the adoption of our son, which was a long, difficult road. During the adoption process, I told myself over and over that if we lost custody of him, I would quit my job and have a greater impact on society.
In February 2018, I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and in June 2018, I was laid off from my corporate job. The cancer diagnosis gave me a deep appreciation for my life and living and motivated me to write this book. I feel lucky that my cancer was treatable and I can now call myself a survivor.
I reflect on the fact that others were not as fortunate as me, and I want to live a fuller life in their memory. Becoming a cancer survivor has pushed me to live every day more fully and like it’s my last.
These life events made me think about life in a very different way and really dig deep into myself to really understand more about who I am. There were tremendous lows and incredible highs. I learned to accept things that I could not control and advocate for how I want to be treated and live. I became stronger in my conviction to lead a meaningful life, more in touch with my inner voice, and more grateful for all the amazing gifts in my life.
Through these challenges, it became clear to me that God was telling me to have a bigger impact on the world and to throw caution to the wind to live fully.
As a gay man who struggled for years with my identity, I have decided to write this book to help others by sharing my dream about becoming a father and creating my family.
What do you hope people gain from reading your book?
I hope that this book will help others dream about a future that aligns with their heartfelt wishes and desires. I share my journey of becoming a proud gay man and a parent—the internal struggles of self-acceptance and the external acceptance of family, friends, and society.
I hope that my story will help others who are fearful of coming out, that my life lessons will help ease others’ pain through their hardships, and that those who dream about creating their own family knows that it can be within reach.
Tell me a little about yourself?
I am the Founder & Principal of Steve Disselhorst, LLC, which specializes in personal & professional leadership development and consulting for diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI). Before founding my firm, I worked for Genentech, a biotech company, as a Diversity & Inclusion Business Consultant and healthcare marketer.
I am a co-active trained coach that focuses on an integrated personal and professional leadership development approach. I help clients become emotionally aware and authentic in their lives and work. I work with clients to pursue both short & long-term goals and brings awareness to barriers in achieving them and creating accountability. As part of his coaching practice, I work with LGBTQ people interested in creating families.
I also provide consulting on DEI in organizations that aspire to create people-first cultures, through trust, honesty, and a deep caring for employees, customers, and the end-user. Whether I am creating leadership development programs to advance historically under-represented groups into senior leadership positions, facilitating trainings to improve organizational effectiveness, or designing learning solutions to foster culture change, I work with each client to achieve their unique goals.
I am a community activist and serve on the board of directors for Our Family Coalition and as a San Mateo County California LGBTQ commissioner.
My husband and I are the proud parents of two children through adoption: the first through private, open adoption, and the second through the foster-to-adopt program.
When will the book be available?
Determined To Be Dad, A Journey of Faith, Resilience, and Love will be available on June 16, 2020, in honor of Pride Month and Father’s Day
Where will you be able to purchase it?
Determined To Be Dad will be available at nearly 40,000 retailers, including Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, and IndieBound.
Anything else you would like to add?
Thank you very much for the opportunity to share my story with your audience. The work you are doing through your website and blog is essential in creating visibility for dads and LGBTQ parents. I hope that my journey will help others that are contemplating becoming a parent and help LGBTQ and heterosexual couples who are considering non-traditional ways to build their families.
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